Helping Children Develop Self-Control

As parents, we all struggling with disciplining our children. Although it is one of the hardest things of parenting, helping children develop self-control is one of the best assets we can develop in our children.

Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in bereavement issues, says "discipline means helping a child develop self control and a sense of limits, experience the consequences of his/her behavior, and learn from his/her mistakes. Discipline does not mean punishment or conflict between parent and child. All children need the security of knowing the rules and boundaries of behavior; without them they feel at a loss."

Dr. Robin Goodman adds that flexibility is the key to discipline as children grow. Parents must be prepared to modify their discipline approach over time, using different strategies as their child develops greater independence and capacity for self regulation and responsibility. She says that the foundations for discipline are laid down in the early years. During the first year of life, as parents establish a trusting relationship with their baby, they set the climate for parent/child interactions through the years.

So, the question is, what can we do as parents to help our children develop self-control and responsibility?  Here is a list of what parents can do; but first and foremost, if you want considerate, cooperative, and flexible children, you should be their model!! 

1. Use language to help solve problems - Establish fair, simple rules and state them clearly.



2. Ignoring - For some infractions, the simple act of ignoring the behavior will make it disappear. 



3. Rewards - Positive reinforcement is the best technique for encouraging wanted behavior.



4. Natural consequences - Parents always have the option of using natural consequences to drive home a point.



5. No more no – keep it positive - Both parents and children get tired of hearing 'no' all the time. Too many no's lose their meaning and don't help a child learn what will get her a 'yes.'



6. Don't dictate: negotiate - Negotiation does not mean that that parents or children get their way. Negotiation, when done with sensitivity, makes everyone feel part of the solution to a problem.



7. Pick your battles - Some issues just aren't worth the hassle. Discipline doesn't mean that parents always win.



8. Prevention - With time, parents get to know their child's trouble spots, and then prevention is in order. For example, if every time you go to the supermarket your 4-year-old begs you to buy her various items, devise a plan before you go.



9. Dealing with unacceptable behavior – Despite all the advice and good intentions, children and parents will still have meltdowns. Keeping blowups in perspective, preparing for them, and having some strategies for dealing with them will help everyone manage crises.



10. What doesn't work - Studies confirm that children who are treated aggressively physically will grow up to be aggressive.



11. When to seek help - Check things out with a professional if your child is doing dangerous or risky things that you can't stop, if he's overly aggressive with others, or is disrespectful of people or property.

To read the full article about discipline and teaching self control to your children, click here.  To learn more about the author, Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D., click here.

Happy parenting!

- The Moms Buzz

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